Alma

Most likely two thirds of my life is over – that is, if I’m lucky.

Yet another round of pregnancies around.
It is never going to stop, is it?
After their own children, it’s their grandchildren and then their great grandchildren.

A void in my life – will it ever be filled?

Right now, everything seems to be getting worse:
Not enough that I’m single without kids, long-term friendships seem to be slowly fading out.
And now, even my last stronghold – my meaningful work – has been crumbling away.

Who am I without partner, without children, without close family, few friends, and without a fulfilling job or task to do?
Am I slowly vanishing too?
Who am I at almost 55?

It seems I have been waiting all my life for the perfect moment, the perfect life.
But it never seems to have come.
I am still waiting for my phoenix-from-the ashes moment.
But, what, if that never comes?

Am I still worthy?
Does my life still count?
… even if nobody seems to care or testify?