Ari M.R.

They tell me that I’m choosing this
as though I have a choice.
They tell me that I’m being selfish
and living a wasted life.
They tell me I am going to hell
and that my childlessness is a sin,
when the truth is that my body’s broken
and can’t bear a child within.
I cannot take care of myself,
let alone another,
I must rely on my sweet husband
who is also my caregiver.
I married young and now I watch
my life slowly fade away
at the mercy of a cruel illness
that is here to stay.
I dreamt of adding to our family,
whether biologically or through adoption.
When I say I cannot have children,
please know there is no option.
So when family and the church condemn me
and say I’m going to hell,
I wish they’d see the grief I hold
and the pain I cannot quell.