Dear reader,
I assume you are way younger then me. Perhaps you are in early stages in accepting your life after the infertility. This letter is for you.
My name is Klara, I am almost 50 years old and I live in a beautiful European country. It is the only country in the world that in English version of its name has the world »love« in it: sLOVEnia.
I have been writing a blog about my childless life after infertility for the last 11 years. So far I have written almost thousand posts!
I wish the medicine advanced so much that everybody wishing to have children of their own could have them. But there will be always people who will remain childless.
I remember when I started writing my blog, I was so heartbroken that I literally cried for a whole year, almost every time when I wrote something on the blog. It was hard. But at the same time it was therapeutical.
I like to think that by writing I got my happiness back.
And the highlight of putting my worries, dreams, hopes and life out there for everybody to see was connecting with kind souls from literally all around the world. Many of them I met also in person!
I do have friends of course here, in my daily life. All of them have children. I know they love me, but they literally can not understand how heartbreaking it is if you wish to have children and your dream never comes true. How my children, who were never born, changed me forever.
My husband and I went through 10 unsuccessful IVF treatments. I knew what demage all the drugs were doing to my body. But I was so broken then that I just didn't care. I went from one failed IVF to another... just because this was easier to accepting reality that waited for me at the end: a childless life. Forever.
What helped me the most to get through the darkest life of my infertility was (not in that perticular order):
Writing my own blog
Connecting with kind souls all around the world
Walking
Swimming
cycling
long walks with my beloved first dog
Travelling
Reading
Growing my own vegetables
I hope that when I am very old, I will be able to say: This is not the life I planned, but no other life would I love to have more.
I wish you all the best for the future.
Much love.
Klara
PS: I am attaching here a photo from one of the most beautiful forests in Slovenia. It is huge so you can literally walk for hours without meeting anybody. I spent many comforting days here with my husband (and our beloved dog) when it was the hardest. Nature definitely helps healing a wounded soul.
