Stephanie Joy Phillips
World Childless Week Founder
Ever heard the phase “A reason, a season, a lifetime”.
When we find friends within the childless community they can become buoys keeping us afloat in turbulent seas. We connect through our shared grief and the dark emotions. As time goes by we learn more about each other as individuals outside of our grief and whilst it can strengthen our friendships it can also sometimes see us drift apart.
It can be down to not needing the same support anymore, having different interests or finding acceptance of our life circumstances and withdrawing from childless circles. At other times it is down to a difference of opinion or conflict of views. I’ve had childless friends fall out with me, un-friend me and even block me for various reasons:
Confronting (with others) someone who was accepting money for a childless charity that didn’t exist.
Telling someone that I couldn’t make them a World Childless Week Ambassador as whilst they considered themselves as childless it wasn’t in the same vein as the core audience of World Childless Week because their child lived for several years before sadly passing away at a young age.
Removing someone’s posts because they were inappropriately placed and bringing sadness to a childless group created to discover and celebrate the positives of being childless.
Adding a comment to a post listing several locations where support was available because the initial post implied it was only found in one sole location.
My actions have resulted in being bullied online, receiving threatening emails and being told I was taking a serious risk because their husband was a diplomat with standing (not suprisingly another lie). On occassion their words and actions have been laughable, sometimes their reactions create disbelief and confusion leaving me with more questions than answers, but they have also been hurtful and brought tears when they refuse to admit the truth and prefer to twist and manipulate a situation to their own advantage.
Friendships are important to me and I hate unease but childlessness has given me a voice that I now use in all aspects of my life. I am not afraid to speak my mind when I see injustice, even when that brings conflict and aggression. Please don’t think I assume myself to be perfect, I’m definitely not (no one is) and I always try to have an open mind leading to honest discussions where I am willing to listen, learn, change my perspective and apologise if appropriate. I believe a true friendship means being able to disagree on certain subjects whilst embracing each other’s unique traits and personality, but time has taught me we don’t all feel the same.
Some of the childless people I am no longer friends with are still active within the community and do amazing work supporting people and raising awareness. I respect what they do and they are still listed in the World Childless Week resources because it’s not about me, but what they offer the community as a whole. As such it saddens me when World Childless Week is visibly absent from their platforms, and they deny their audience the wealth of support available in our community.
I have to accept that we all have different values and outlooks, and if I stay true to myself and speak out and stand up for what I belief in, and that means the end of a friendship, then perhaps it is an acceptable conclusion.
Time has taught me friendships change and we’re not always in control.
When friendships end there can be a feeling of loss, but equally a feeling of freedom if we reflect and realise they were dragging us down under the waves rather than lifting us up. Sometimes we have to let go of the ropes that tie us together and realise we can tread water on our own and even enjoy the swim to shore.
Reason, Season, or Lifetime by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
