Nessa Otto
10 - realising that it was not me as a person that was the problem, rather a very old system of hierarchy was shaming me for being a solo childless woman - this knowledge helped me move forward (for example patriarchy, pronatalism, sexism putting single childless women as "lower status")
9 - noticing how all women are criticised and silenced whether in public or in private, no matter what they do/say (or not do/say) activated my agency helping me grow stronger as a global feminist (shout out to Annie Lennox)
8 - feeling my grief was like walking on glass shreds yet it was (and remains) a worthy journey of meeting my core self
7 - caricaturing at work (especially by the younger HR/female staff) cut deep and ate away my energy for corporate spaces which is sad after many years of work and much effort - but I am learning to let go which is VERY freeing
6 - living in liminal space - as an older solo women without kids - not young and free but also not facing the overwhelm that is modern parenting and 21stC family life ... knowing it just is different and that is totally OK helps me
5 - being alone (not lonely) and remaining curious about the world helps me to see current trends clearly - I feel empowered to make choices and vulnerable at the same time - yet mostly free to cram my home full of as many plants as I want (added a few cats too just for good measure)
4 - accepting the restrictions around hetero-normative female friendships including that one is far down the pecking order as solo single (no playdates for kiddies or buddy for daddy) sets me free to create a different social and relational life, some friends were lost and some lasted and that is OK
3 - discovering joy in the relationships I do have - the kids I did see grow who are now in their twenties and young team members of jobs past who connect, chat, and visit ... perhaps am I becoming a cool "auntie" now?
2 - noticing that an open door to my sixties awaits me - it is strangely similar to a feeling I had in my late teens before my twenties ... feeling nervous yet also excited about new possibilities and horizons that await (health and finances willing of course)
1 - understanding that I am fully human just like everyone else - with a body worthy of my care (whatever her shape) housing a very busy squirrel mind
♾️ mostly I am learning that I keep learning the lessons, and that it is best to breathe into the experience!
