Nika Belianina
PLEASE NOTE: The following pregnancy bump image may cause upset
I have been a photographer for about 15 years and my proposed project Inconceivable Motherhood is the most personal one I’ve done to date. This self-portrait series explores the often-silenced experience of childlessness not by choice. After over a decade of unsuccessful attempts to become a mother, I was forced to confront not only private grief but also the societal expectations, taboos, and pressures that surround infertility and non-parenthood.
This work reflects that journey - emotionally and physically - through surreal, symbolic imagery staged in a trapezium-shaped room, using props, in-camera techniques and costumes to translate the invisible weight of these struggles into powerful visual narratives. Each image in the series becomes a small act of catharsis and advocacy - addressing themes such as the mental and financial toll of fertility treatments, the trauma of miscarriage, societal pronatalism, and the reshaping of identity in the absence of motherhood.
You’ve got this
When I was going through fertility treatments, everyone was always so cheerful and optimistic. They all said - "you've got this!" But very few actually took the time to understand, let alone care about the sheer volume of medication, mental and physical work it takes to go through it.
These are the pills and injections I had to take in the course of three treatment cycles, with the medical bills piled up above me. My journey was unsuccessful. No one talks about failed fertility treatments while the media keeps selling miracle baby stories to women over 40.
Baby clock. (Time’s up)
How many times have our mothers, grandmothers and even strangers asked us when are we gonna have kids? This question can be deeply hurtful to those who have been trying for years, unsuccessfully. And to those, who want to have a child, but don't have a partner or a financial security to have it. There is a myriad of reasons why it's not happening. The question becomes a burden, the bigger the desire and the lesser amount of options one has.
Self-birthing
When you spend years of wanting and trying to birth a human, but the fate decides this miracle isn’t meant for you, you have to reinvent yourself. The grief of the life you don’t get to live and to give, forces you to find a new path and a new you. It feels like a constant rebirth of your new self. The one that is very different from the one you imagined for yourself perhaps your whole life. It is a new, strange chapter with very few positive heroes to look up to. But it's a new chapter nonetheless. The one childless not by choice people reluctantly embrace.
I’m happy for you
Society celebrates pregnancy announcements with joy, expecting everyone to share in the excitement. But for those facing infertility or involuntary childlessness, these moments can be painful reminders of what they long for but cannot have. Baby showers become an emotional minefield, forcing them to mask their grief while others celebrate new life.
Ahnechka. This name unexpectedly came to me when I was pregnant. How odd, I never saw myself calling my child “Anya” (Ahnechka is an endearment of Anya), but if this is how she wants to be called – by all means, I thought. My pregnancy only lasted a few weeks, but I felt deep, profound connection to my child. And then the bleeding came. I remember being in the bathroom, contorted with pain and saying – “I want you to stay. I really want you to stay with me and I will love you with all my heart. But if you must, if you really must go – I can’t hold you. I will never do something to hurt you.” And right then, I felt like Anechka separated from me and flew away…
Miscarriage affects nearly 30% of all pregnancies, and some people are never able to carry a child to term. This long-exposure self-portrait is to commemorate their children who left too soon.
