Not By Choice (Childless/Free)


Steph Doe


I’m a musician and a psychiatrist, and still, I had always struggled with my childnessness state. Was it a choice, was it circumstances.. I wasn’t sure.

I had interviewed all my friends – with and without kids – but still, I wasn’t sure what to think. Was I missing something ? Was there still time, in case I was making the biggest mistake of my life? I had never really wanted children, but still, I had always wanted to be succeed at « life », or, at least, to feel « normal ».

After reading Jody Day’s book « Living the life unexpected », I felt such relief and understanding that I felt like I could – finaly- write a song about my experience and my doubts.

This song shows the hesitations, the change-of-mind, the struggles, that I was facing, and I hope it lands and helps other women shape their thoughts around this issue, the same way Jody Day’s book helped me.

I wrote it when I was 45.

Have you ever heard a song about this that wasn’t sad?

Have you ever heard a story that didn’t make you wanna cry?

Well it’s something so many of us go through

And it’s something that somehow is still taboo

And it’s hidden to your eyes

 

I never wanted a child or what they call a normal life

But every once in a while I get the feeling I’m missing out

Yet it’s something that only us girls can do

And it’s a fact, that some of us chose not to,

It’s a struggle hear me out

 

I do wonder was I wrong or right to

Think I wasn’t fit for that

 

Was it a choice that I made or was it just a waste of time

And will I forever wonder what it’s like on the other side

Did I just wait, and somehow now it’s too late

Or was it fate? Or fear I’d want to escape,

Never felt the “itch inside”

 

I do wonder was I wrong or right to

Think I wasn’t fit for that

 

Now and then I want to go to Barcelona

Now and then I want to go to San Francisco

 

Some people say they have never felt a joy so pure in life

And others say they would give it all for just one peaceful night

“the time will come and you will regret, you’ll see”

“oh you’re so lucky, I wish I was so carefree”

People please make up your minds

 

I do wonder was I wrong or right to

Think I wasn’t fit for that

 

Now and then I wanna go to Barcelona

Now and then I wanna go to San Francisco