Rachel A
Childhood
I grew up with the privilege of a most marvellous Mum. She was a wonderful woman, an artist, and in my lifetime an art teacher. She nurtured our creativity with time, space, care and craft. Little me, aged around five: a Christmas present of an artists set with paints, wax crayons, an easel. Weekends in teenage years learning as Mum prepared for watercolour classes. Encouraged to experiment beyond art at school. Helping her with her school art exhibitions and holiday clubs. Exhibition visits: Monet’s Garden, the incredible Dali Museum at Figueras, Uffizi Gallery and Botticelli’s Venus, Tate Gallery and the pre-Raphaelites. Shelves of art books and collected postcards. Her greatest gift: she planted the seeds and nurtured our confidence to try, to experiment and to learn how to make and paint.
Emerging
I learned to paint on silks. Landscapes, my first passion. Nature, my inspiration. Places which touched my heart. In my 30’s I was able to grow and develop my artwork. Life’s journey through those years was marked by loss after loss: chronic fatigue and ill health, sudden bereavement of my dear Mum, reducing to part-time work for recovery, infertility and treatment, caring for my Dad in declining health and then losing him. And the realisation of childlessness. But during those years I embraced my artwork. I took part in group exhibitions. I missed my Mum. She never saw this step in my growth. My Dad came to support, being there for them both, even in fragile health. It hurt when other artists set up with support from parents or grown-up children. And I also knew I wouldn’t have had the chance to tend my artwork in the same way if I had had a baby. I felt seen, a little of my light emerging when life had dimmed and darkened my spirit space. A way to touch and speak to others.
Healing
As well as my silk paintings, I started to paint in watercolours, to express aspects of my grief for losing my parents and my childless journey. First just and only for myself. Later I shared in the childless community and through World Childless Week. A powerful expression.
I was met with deep appreciation. Others in this community seem to see me and express encouragement in such a heartfelt way. They recognise what it means when I share something I created out in the wide world. Something uniquely me. They see and acknowledge the spark. My paintings have moved toward expressions of heahealing and connectioning and connection and gratitude.
Teaching and reaching
I always imagined creating with my dreamed-of child. Passing on the gift from my Mum. Part of my dreamed-of motherhood. I have been hugely fortunate to be able to share creative time with children in my life. Not as often as I wish, but hopefully enough to inspire and plant seeds. Creating with nieces and nephews (‘Aunty Rache’s art club’), showing them my exhibitions, pumpkin carving, Christmas crafting with friends and their children, drawing with a friend’s young son, painting rocks, visiting local galleries.
And in the wider world I can feel my artwork has reached and spoken to others. Brought smiles, a lift of the heart or spirit. A spark of joy or recognition in their soul space. Paintings given as gifts or sent to new homes out in the world.
The thread that binds
In the arc of my life, losing my parents and arriving at childlessness has been a huge untethering. I was, at first, adrift from the past, directionless for the future. How to hold the precious memories and life spark of those who passed on? How to share my own spark, outward and forward?
My artwork allows me to shine out. Little sparks out in the world like fireflies in the night sky. Wider than they might have reached if I had channelled all that light towards a longed-for child. My paintings can bring a smile. They are my offered gift out there. They come from my Mum’s passion and teaching, they come from little me with my art set, from my deep love of land and nature, from my passion to share and touch others in creativity, from my broken and healing heart, expressed in colours on silk and paper. Sparks, shimmers and glimmers. A thread that binds my past, my now and the future, and tethers me in the world.
