Elaine Ritchie
The worse night of my life had happened. I was alone in the middle of the night holding my mum as she died in my arms. That was it, I was on my own now. As a single, only child, the world suddenly seemed a really big and scary place and I had no idea how to make my way in it alone.
The hospice social worker saw photos in my house of my previous rescue cats and advised I brought another couple into my life to help me through this hellish journey I was on called grief.
Most days I couldn’t look after myself let alone another couple of lives, but she had sown a seed in my mind and before I knew it Otis and Oscar were on their way to begin their new life with me.
I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing and had no intention of giving my heart to these 2 cats that would never be able to replace my parents. Angry and bereft, I went shopping to get all they would need. Basic rations only I told myself, the cheapest cat food and a couple of toys would be all they would be needing. I was doing them a favour by giving them a home.
Opening the cat baskets to introduce them to their new home, Oscar jumped on the sofa and snuggled up and Otis laid on the floor and rolled over at my feet. That first night they both slept on my bed and for the first time in weeks I felt I wasn’t alone. These boys completely had my heart within hours, so it was straight out the next morning to lavish them with the finest food, comfy beds and more toys than they knew what to do with.
There were many dark days ahead but this time I didn’t go through them on my own. Instinctively they knew when I was sad and always snuggled in that little bit deeper and my life now revolved around them. By the time I got to the bathroom in the mornings, one of them had made me laugh with one of their hilarious antics. I now had a reason to get up.
3 years ago, when I was told that I needed a hysterectomy, I realised I was going to be childless. Desperately sad that I would never become a mum, I knew I had no choice but to have this surgery. Within 5 weeks of open surgery, I was back to gentle jogging, at 8 weeks I did a sponsored mighty hike and at 9 weeks I was doing the Shine Walk marathon. Anything to occupy my mind from thinking about the elephant that was sitting there and wanting to make itself known.
You can’t ignore an elephant and just months later, it caused me to come crashing down and I was left barely able to function. I was never going to be a mum! With the grief of losing my mum and dad and now my childlessness grief thrown into the mixture, I was about as low as I could get. My whole life, being a mum was all I ever wanted. It was what I felt I was put here for and now I couldn’t see the point, the point of life, the point of me! It would be better if I wasn’t here, the pain would stop, and I wouldn’t be a burden to the friends around me.
Cue my 2 furry caped crusaders, who seemed to instinctively know. As I curled up in a ball, they would lie with me. When I could barely see through the tears, their crazy antics would make the corners of my mouth begin to turn up into a smile which gradually turned into a laugh. I couldn’t leave them; they needed me and so another day with my boys would begin.
Last year after a short illness, I had to say my goodbyes to Otis. He died in my arms and the vet needed to take him away from me as I couldn’t let him go. He was only young, and I should’ve been able to care for him for many more years to come. He was soaked with my tears, but I was able to thank him for saving me and for being there at the worst time ever.
The dark times of my grief still hit me with those feelings of overwhelm and despair but when they do, you can guarantee that Oscar will be there at my side. Maybe its instinct but whatever it is, he seems to know that I need him. Just to feel him snuggled up to me gives me a sense of grounding, that I am not alone. He looks at me with such love and I hope he can see that my love is returned.
Otis and Oscar changed my life and I also believed they saved it too. If anyone was wondering whether to get a pet, I would wholeheartedly say yes. My boys have made me feel loved, safe and that I matter. They are not my children, but they are something that I am able to nurture and spend some of my maternal feelings on. To be welcomed home by them means the world and the love they give is priceless. When the dark days hit, I know I am not alone. Not all superheroes wear capes, some wear fur!
