Anonymous

It all began with love
that deep inner love I have carried ever since
but my chances to give life were slimmed,
by circumstance, leaving all those years unfulfilled
To honor my ancestry and pass on their legacy
immigrants who fled from the war
to build a new home for generations to be
their path will now end with me
My wish to share this planet’s beauty,
to cherish its wonders with awe and care
to mother my children and let them free
to become the individuals on earth they dreamt to be
To show them twinkling and shooting stars
and life’s many beautiful colors,
the taste of sweet cherries ripened by sunshine,
the scent of peppermint and thyme
Now, over a decade later,
my wish for motherhood has drifted away
I have released it to wind and water
finding comfort in nature’s healing embrace
I continue to befriend the many ways
that grief reveals itself to me
while healing and growing resilience
as time goes by
Still, thoughts of guilt and regret keep showing up
with less force but they remain stuck
telling me “…you should have…why didn’t you…”
stirring up my deepest pain
But then I am beginning to realize
it wasn’t cowardice nor weakness nor defeat
but pure love that ended this journey to create life
it was the love I still had for myself to survive
I will carry your names deep in my heart
my dearest children please know,
it wasn’t pain that ended this family path
it was LOVE, just as LOVE was its start