VP
I am single. This reality cannot be denied. I am middle aged
I am single and alone. I wish I had met you, as I wanted to for so long, but it was not meant to be.
I am disabled, you would think I would be unhappy with that. Moving forward, I have experienced ambiguous, unacknowledged, and disenfranchised grief like many others.
I have come to understand that for me, having a child with a physical or mental illness would have been unfair, given my circumstances
So, I focus on the good things: lie ins (sleeping late) not screwing up a child’s teenage years. It’s my belief I would not be a very effective mom to teens. I did not have very good adolescent years. Experienced a highly protected and insular upbringing.
I spend my days liking solitude most of the time and getting back to writing. I want to make more friends, see more of the world, discover a spiritual side.
Do I worry about growing old alone sure some days. But growing old is not a guarantee that your child will want to or can take care of you.
I have started writing again, which I enjoy. I wonder if I would still find time for it if you were born—probably, but life gets harder as I get older.
The reality remains I would have loved you and taken care of you, and it would have been the greatest accomplishment of my life, but I am moving forward now with the help of my friends in the childless community I know I am not moving forward alone. I will always dream of you, but I am okay and ready to take the road less traveled.
I do not know if there are options available for me as I get older, but I have found an interest in working with older adults.
I want to learn ballroom dancing. See London for the first time. Spend more time with friends, maintain physical health, and donate to charities within my means.
Be there for friends and family…. If I am asked.
Find a nice home
Support friends and family.
Maybe. Write a book
Here is where the fear comes, I die alone in an institution where I just exist and I am but emotionally numb.
I have made peace with my past and hopefully knowing my fears will come true. The Beatles sang All You Need Is Love so maybe I do everything possible to beyond the fears of my grief and otherness and allow a step into a new life. Love is all you need.
Maybe it is time to love me … I know it is! I know I must let go of things in my life that go beyond the words I am about to type. I am scared but I am moving my fingers and toes forward. Most importantly, I need to remember what fun is about and I am moving forward beyond fear. There are sad moments when birth announcements invite marriage. I am not perfect.
I will miss the life that I could have experienced. I will walk along the fear. But to the child in my heart I will not forget as I move forward and, in my life, there is so much to live for I have only just begun the world is ready for me!
