“There Is No One Like Me”: My Journey As An Only Child & Childless Woman

Tamara Meaux

There is no one like me, I am neither a sister nor am I a mother.

As an only child, I often dreamt of what it would have been like to have a sibling. Many of my friends had brothers or sisters,and some of those friends were like sisters to me. Deep down I knew it was not the same. 

Over time, as I accepted I would never have a sibling, I began to dream about what my life might be like as an adult. I knew, I wanted to get married and to have a child, maybe two. 

I got married, knowing that having a husband and being a part of a couple was something that I longed for.  He was a long time friend, and I believed we wanted the same things from life. When he “decided” that he no longer wanted to have children, two years into the marriage (8 years into the relationship), I fought with every ounce of my soul to change his mind.  In retrospect, I am grateful, he was not the right man to have children with, let alone to be in a marriage with. Divorce was devastating for me, and was not part of my “plan,” but I felt that being in a loving relationship with a man and being a mother were my lifelong dream, so I embraced singlehood.

My single years were full of anxiety; I was afraid that time was ticking. Being divorced made me feel like such a failure and caused me tremendous shame. I knew when I met someone else, I had to be certain they were right for me. So, I waited, I gave myself time. I am very spiritual; I prayed a lot for wisdom and strength.

After much soul searching and when I was ready to date again, I did. In time, I met my husband, my true love, at a Speed Dating event. He was number 1 and I was number 10, the first and last in the line of eager Speed Daters, hoping to meet “The One.”

We took things slowly, he had a daughter, she was a young adult. Was he open to having another child, he said he might consider it. The days passed by, and I knew with 100% certainty that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  The first piece of the puzzle was solved, but what about having a child?  Endless discussions were had.  So many sleepless nights spent in painful heartache. I was in love, I met the most loving, kind, caring man, how could this be happening? My heart felt divided, torn between the life I had and the life that I thought I was supposed to have. 

I was faced with the biggest decision of my life: to stay in a loving relationship that I had always dreamed of or leave it behind to pursue the dream I once thought defined me. The answer was complex and painfully easy. 

I have grown to accept the life I am meant to have; a life filled with happy days & memories that make my heart soar with joy.

Although, I am neither a sister nor am I a mother, I have learned to be at peace in a world where there is no one like me.