Rachel Cordon
Hello, my name is Rachel. I’m involuntarily childless and proud of who I am in the world, even thought I don’t ‘fit’.
So we are now 8 years on from ending our fertility treatment and giving up on our dream of having children, and I can say that I am feeling quite hopeful for my future and certainly very worthy.
The first 3.5 years were spent in a drunken and numb blur, and the latter 4.5 have been spent stone cold sober and on what feels like a steep upwards roller coaster healing journey, healing my childlessness / losses but also my own childhood / life experiences in general through Breathwork. At the 8 year mark, I am feel like I am finally getting back in touch with myself at my core and finding that I quite like what I find even if it is a little quirky.
Despite all the healing, the last 8 months have been challenging for me, undergoing a physical, mental and spiritual ‘upgrade’ as I find myself being tested by the divine in the form of; burnout, my precious dogs being very poorly, my job of 21 years being at risk, having a ‘syndrome’ diagnosed and me being peri-menopausal to boot. It’s been a lot and the subsequent insomnia became unmanageable. That said, having given myself; space, a variety of therapies and lots of breath - here I am happily typing away and thinking fondly of World Childless Week 2025 and all my amazing comrades who are making submissions of their own.
So to the point….. We are worthy and here I am polishing my crown (yes I have one, and yes one of my strongest personal archetypes is ‘Queen’…..) as an individual and as an involuntarily childless woman in a world where that doesn’t feel terribly acceptable or ‘normal’.
I felt drawn to the ‘We are worthy’ topic this year mainly at Stephs question of ‘where do we fit in society?’. That’s an easy one for me as I’ve basically never felt like I fit in society anywhere.
I’m like some sort of hilarious contradiction in most areas of my life, shunning convention at most junctions. Here are a few examples, each of which I am now happily celebrating:
I am very sensitive and gentle yet naturally loud and vivacious.
I am animal crazy and would be at my happiest sat in an overgrown field watching the crickets for hours. Leave me alone with my insect, amphibian and animal friends. But don’t leave me alone – I miss you and need company!
I’m a girly girl who is not at all girly – I’m not scared of spiders, I love snails and I’d love to still be fit enough to scrabble up and down trees in my spare time – all of which done with bright lipstick and perfectly manicured finger nails.
I have 2 jobs that couldn’t be more different from one another.
I have a very tidy house, appearance and organised life, whilst housing a bin full of worms in my kitchen busily making compost.
I party hard until 9pm and then I can be found cradling a cuppa at 9pm unashamedly in my PJ’s.
People can have a hard time really getting to know me, because I’m the most extroverted introvert you may meet and love to be real and open whilst simultaneously guarding heart at all costs.
I love touch and being tactile, but all hell will let break loose if you touch me without my consent.
I am fiercely independent, but regularly wait for someone to ‘come and save me’.
I don’t have children, even though I wanted them.
So anyway guys, I think it’s great not to ‘fit’. I think it’s great to celebrate our quirks. I think it’s great to know that there is much more to us than just whether we managed to have children or not. Mostly I think it’s vitally important to embrace and accept ourselves. If we don’t, how can we ever expect anyone else to?
I realise now that I am so much more than what society tells me I am or that I should be. Aren’t we all and isn’t it time that we started celebrating that in all our forms?
Wherever you are in your personal journey and childless journey, I am sending some love and breath your way – This World Childless Week and always. I celebrate you. I celebrate us, and I can’t wait to read your submissions
