It’s hard to explain the feeling I have now compared to the feeling I had then. It’s actually not that long ago when something just changed. I’m 46. I think the main thing was meeting other childless people, not even on purpose, but just by chatting without even realising they were childless, men just as much as women. I didn’t think anything about them being childless. I used to think everyone thought I was a failure, not a real person. But I realised that, not for one second did it enter my head that people I had met were any less of a great person without children. I realised so many people are going through the same and that actually it’s going to be a lot more normalised in the future. It’s not a bad thing. It’s sad very sad, but it’s not the end of the world. And once you turn the corner it’s actually great. I really can’t believe I’m saying that. But I am. I mean it.
I struggled mainly as I’m an only child & always wanted a big family, yes because I wanted to be a maternal mother, but also because I wanted to prove myself as a person. Being an only child was lonely for me & always made me feel a second class citizen in the world.
I admit I hit lucky because I met an amazing man who enabled me to settle down in terms of security & a home for life etc. I never had that, I was always renting and single In very unfulfilling relationships, and that is really really hard when you need to find peace. I do believe my peace has come naturally but I know it’s a lot harder when you are feeling unsettled.
Please believe me though there is a light here, not through anything else but your own self belief and knowing life is short and it’s here to be lived and you are very, very much worthy of that . I felt guilty for being ok when I first felt it, (about a year ago) but now I’m just totally happy. Of course I still feel grief but it passes quickly and I think of all the things I can do without children and activities I can do with friends children instead. I have two dog children & honestly that’s all I need.
Katie Underwood