I wrote this song when I was feeling the opportunities to have a child slipping through my fingers, and also pondering the existential question of whether my life without children would be equal to another version of my life as a mother.

There are billions of possible lives we might lead, each equally wondrous.

I hope to convey that truth, but also the persistent doubt about this in the minds of some people whose lives don’t turn out the way they expected. The video clip is me performing the song at a small gig in South London.

Saola Scene

Lyrics:

Over the Margate horizon
a circular rainbow widens
you have a word in your mind
I am running out of time

Billions of grains of sand in the dunes
one by one slipping away with the tides of the moon
Weep for the future that is not yours to hold
but the light at this hour it showers us with gold

Over the life we choose
there are billions of others we lose
Is not the act of faith in all above
proof of a mother’s love

Billions billions billions
Billions billions billions