Steph Penny

‘Motherhood is the greatest gift,’

You say,

Piercing me

From where you sit on stage,

And I recoil

In the front row

Of the congregation.

Can you see me?

You must be able to see me.

I’m three metres away from you.

I was on that stage too,

Ten minutes before you,

Singing God’s praises.

Am I invisible?

Can you see me?

 

I knew today was Mother’s Day.

I didn’t want to come. But I was assured

That your interview

Would have nothing to do with motherhood,

Nothing to do with Mother’s Day.

I should have known better.

I assumed you knew

There were childless people like me

In the church.

Am I invisible?

Can you see me?

 

Perhaps you have forgotten

I exist.

Perhaps that is why I feel

Ambushed

In the place that is supposed to be

Safe

In the one place that is supposed to be

Home.

 

Motherhood is the greatest gift,

So you say.

Oh,

I wish I knew how to respond to that.

I wish I had the words.

I feel punctured,

Disgraced,

Skinned alive,

Turned inside out,

Keelhauled,

Skewered,

Ambushed.

 

Can you see me?

I need you to see me.

I am not invisible.

I will not be ignored.

My life, my childless life,

Matters.

See me.