Sometimes, I still wonder what I would have been like had I become a mother. I was so desperate for that fixed identity, so hungry to prove that I’d be a good mother myself after some very poor role-modelling, that I have a hunch that I would have thrown myself at it with unthinking gusto: put my children’s photo as my profile pic on Facebook; referred to myself as “little so-and-so’s mum”; over-shared on social media and at social gatherings; sent in reams of cheeky photographs as hopeful modelling submissions to the Mini Boden catalogue. One of those mothers.
Read moreAs A Parent, I Have Empathy…
Equating parenthood and empathy makes for a good sound bite, which is why politicians and other public figures return to it so often. It is vaguely comforting fluff that they (the Speaker from here on) think makes them sound like a better, and more trustworthy person. But there are just so many things wrong with that six-word phrase. Let’s start with empathy itself.
Read moreWord that hurt
I often wonder why some people with children feel the need to state “as a parent…” before everything they say? It does not increase their importance or add gravitas to their message. I still hear what they have to say but their opinions are no more or no less than anyone else.
Read moreAssumptions and Avoiding the Hook
How do you respond when someone makes an thoughtless assumption about you being childless and says it to your face? How do you respond when all you have ever wanted to be was a mother but that experience has been impossible for you? When you’ve tried everything under the sun to achieve your dream and yet it still eludes you?
Read moreComments that hurt
Sometimes comments hurt. Sometimes comments are stupid. And sometimes, road signs are stupid.
Read moreYou Said “As A Parent I Have Empathy”
My loving is fierce and gentle and compassionate…
Read moreIt Hurt When
It hurt when a woman at a fertility clinic trying for her second child said, “If you want a baby enough it will happen.”
Read moreEmpathy
Empathy is a shared experience between two humans and everyone on the planet has the same right to express themselves.
Read moreThe six words that break my heart
I’ve come a long way since I became a woman without children. The path from mother-in-waiting to where I am today has taken me through more twists and turns than the most spine-chilling rollercoaster.
Read moreEmpathy is not a motherhood credential
Any time a woman says “as a mother…”, what they’re really pointing out is that they have this special quality that exists because they are a mother. In reality, many human qualities are not unique to mothers at all. In fact, those qualities are found across humankind.
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