I had this vision

That love would arrive

And bring with it the gift

Of other small lives

Together our world

Would open and grow

And there would be laughter and joy

From which memories could flow

But life isn’t fair

And love doesn’t guarantee

Any of the things

I thought there would be

Our attempts brought glimpses

Of the life I’d wanted so much

But those moments were fleeting

Wisps that I could barely touch

Instead our efforts were fruitless

And options were dire

While others might have pursued

We chose to retire

And though there was choice

And even some relief

I could not have imagined

The depths of my grief

It ebbs and flows,

in fits and starts

And every time I begin to heal

My heart tears newly apart

Every bedtime story

never to be read aloud

Every first step

for which I’ll never get to be proud

For every cuddle

that’s never going to be

And all those eyes I won’t dry

Over those skinned knees

All those precious moments -

The ones that never will

Fill the corners of my mind,

I conjure them at will

And some days there’s nothing else

But haunting wishes of other

Wishing for that life I planned

Where I could be a mother

Right now it’s so raw

And hard to reconcile

But in between the heartbreak

I make a point to smile

The world does keep on turning

And there are other things I’ll do

Deep down I know I’ll find my way

Even without you

M.S.