At 53, in 2017, I thought I’d “come to terms” with my childlessness (despite assuming, since I was a little child myself, that I would become a mother.)
Read moreInfinite Possibilities
I wanted to write a second essay for World Childless week, but I found myself hitting up against some internal resistance. Today, I finally identified its source: I don’t want to be defined by my childless state.
Read moreMy Well-Being Journey
We were both spent and shells of our former selves. I spend the next two years struggling with mental health, a deep sense of loss and sadness constantly and a complete lack of confidence. I decided I needed help and went to speak to a counsellor and it was the best decision I made.
Read moreFrom Grief To Gratitude
I am childless not by choice as the result of several different factors. I grew up believing I was worthless and defective. I studied very hard for many years hoping to feel better about myself and gain approval.
Read moreThe Full Stop
40%
Deep in the midst of my childless not by choice grief, I read a quote which simultaneously made me feel heard and seen and also so, so sad
Read moreI Like, I Am, I Will, I Can
I like popping to the pub just for one after work.
I like late nights and lie-ins.
I like sex in the afternoon.
Read moreFrom Absolute Emptiness To My Personal "Plan B"
- when life is asking you to find another way -
I wrote this contribution to World Childless Week 2020 in the middle of the challenging and never before experienced situation of a long confinement due to Covid-19 virus.
Read moreWrite To Heal
I was diagnosed with Primary Ovarian Failure in my mid-20s - it looked like I had gone through puberty, suffered with a viral infection that triggered autoimmune issues causing my immune system to attack my ovaries. I was offered no support other than starting HRT treatment, which I have been on for 30 years now.
Read moreGrieving the imaginary child
It is hard to describe what being told you can’t carry your own child feels like. When you are told essentially as a child yourself suddenly you are faced with a feeling and emotions you aren’t ready for and have no idea where to start to process this.
Read moreFollowing the curiosity driven path to joy
These past few months have been strange/challenging (choose an appropriate word) for everyone & no one knows what the future holds so, as lockdown eased somewhat in the UK, I took the decision to (as the saying goes) ‘make hay while the sun shines.’
Read moreThis Is My Acceptance
It is not a straight line. We sit together. I stack three stones upon each other, remembering. We eat apples and chat about the old groynes, the lighthouse, the bay on our doorstep. It is something I often do, never forgetting.
Read moreComments that Hurt….
I’m a twin – an identical twin – I always have been, and always will be. I know that that is stating the obvious, it can be joyful, painful, funny, hard, rewarding and misunderstood by other people.
Read moreEnjoying A Wellspring Of Creativity Born Of Grief
Another September rolling in, another World Childless Week. This time has come to be a marker for me, to see how far I have come in the year between. Each year I seem to make imperceptible but great shifts, and I wonder if it will always be this way.
Read moreMy story, and how I’m moving forwards
I am childless, but not by choice. I add the word ‘sadly’ when I am trying to explain so that people understand it wasn’t by choice... ‘sadly, we couldn’t have children’; ‘sadly, it wasn’t to be’, and then I add, ‘but we have two lovely dogs who are our surrogate children’.
Read moreDefining Days In The Life Of A Childless-Not-By-Choice Woman
The day . . .
I fell in love at 25 and married at 28 to a man eleven years older who was ambivalent about children, but committed to our happiness.
Read moreProgress
The concept of moving forward is daunting when you are in the throes of grief. Over time acceptance slowly starts to sink in.
Read moreBooks, Books, Books
As I sit here at my laptop thinking about what to write for World Childless Week 2020, I can’t help but look back to where I was only a few years ago, during the hardest part of my life yet. More importantly, I’m thinking about how far I’ve come since then.
Read moreUnleashed
In my late 30s I was lost; I was constantly looking for my purpose and where I fit in. My job didn’t seem fulfilling and I was still going to weddings on my own.
I was single and childless.
Read moreFrom Ordinary to Extraordinary: Adaption Is Our Superpower
Summer 2020 here in the mountains where I live normally brings blue skies with puffy white clouds sailing by. Instead smoke hangs thick and brown grey in the air. Wildfires all around the western United States created this murky haze.
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