In 2018 I stood, legs quivered beneath my trousers, on the stage at Fertility Fest wondering what on earth I was doing, sharing my story about a tiny website that I created.

It didn’t actually matter whether I was on a stage or not, it was taking part. That recognition inside me was greater than any subsequent action. I had realised that my life will not include being a birth parent. It still stings, that horrid moment when I have briefly forgotten and them - wallop - it hits. But those smacks are less and more often, caused by others and not the monologue of hate that I used as my theme tune.

I have long use design as a comfort, since I was 14 I wanted to be a graphic designer and I’ve been fortunate to do just that. But I’m more than this, I think.

I’ve started to remember who I was before IVF and miscarriages.

I used to be an artist, print maker and stained glass window maker.

Yup… I have a City and Guilds in glasswork but if you’ve only known me for a few years, you’d never realise this. I put all my stained glass tools in a shed along my paints including my late, great Grandfather’s brushes and oil painting tools, and didn’t pick them up during IVF or ever since. I hadn’t realised that I was emotionally judging this until I had to work on it again (we’re getting a new front door on our home and I want to create a stained glass panel for the window beside it). I was inspired by fellow champion Michael and his wife Vickie who have a great You Tube channel - We Made It. I also love Vonnie at Cogbeetle’s work which you can see elsewhere on this website today.

Vickie Hughes is also a glass artist and all round inspiring friend and it was talking to her that made me open up the shed doors and do a little glass work. My soldering isn’t the best these days but it will get better. I’ve really enjoyed the time away from my design business and the Mac to do something different. I’ve also starting print making again, something I used to do but stopped but as a designer married to a printer husband, I guess it’s inevitable that we’d end up with inky hands!

Berenice Smith

Walk In Our Shoes

The Full Stop Podcast

Hello Lovely design (Berenice offers discounted rates for branding, graphic and website design to our community)