I love to be included in all your happy days. I will cheer when you graduate, throw confetti at your wedding. I will celebrate your birthdays with a smile on my face. I will be at your house warming, toast every promotion you have. I shall applaud your every success and cheerlead when you impress. When times are hard I will offer you my shoulder, wipe your tears, listen without judgement, try to dissolve your fears. When you need me dear friend, I am there to provide comfort and support. All I ask is that you understand one thing of me…

There are some occasions where in most part I decline.

Please understand it’s not personal. It’s simply an issue of mine.

I need some time to process your blissful baby news.

This does not mean I don’t share in your delight.

Nor does it mean I feel any spite.

I am happy for you. Truly I am.

I will congratulate you just as soon as I can.

What you may not know about me my dear is every announcement and every scan, all baby shower invites and birth announcements are painfully raw reminders of what my own heart desires most but can never have.

No matter how long I grieve my body aches with this urgent, biologically maternal longing. I am relieved for you my love that you never get to feel this anguish in your gut. It may look that I am fine on the outside.

For the majority of time I cope.

I paint on a smile, get on with my life and adapt a little more each day with hope.

 I just can’t handle the party games, the gender reveals or storks.

When your guests start probing the ‘childless one’, I feel hen-pecked and chased with pitchforks.

When it comes to your kid’s parties, the invites are very kind. Just know in your heart if I don’t make it that day, there will always be another time.