Ruth Guest

Do you have children?

No

No, I don’t. Not in this life

It wasn’t to be. Never to be.

The answer is awkward, inconvenient

Whatever I say. Whatever I don’t say.

 

 

Do you have children?

No

Endless temperature charts and fertile windows

Negative tests, futile cycles

Then finally two lines. Our wish realised.

A child. A due date. A future to plan.

 

 

Do you have children?

No

There was bleeding, despair and anguish

Scanning, waiting, rescanning, silence

Kind words and the pitying head tilt

The worst reality had now arrived

 

 

Do you have children?

No

A ward, wrist band, gown and theatre list

Tears going under, tears as woken up

In between the final passing away

Unimaginable, unending, emptiness

 

 

Do you have children?

No

Clinic appointments, blood tests, drugs

More cycles, more tests, relentless failure

Savage hope creeping around incessant defeats

On and on and on and on. And on.

Do you have children?

No

To IVF or not IVF?

Odds so vast they were out of sight

We deliberated, cogitated then stopped.

We were now in an inconceivable abyss

 

 

Do you have children?

No

No first day at school. No birthday parties.

No mothers’ day. No fathers’ day.

No teenagers. No grandchildren.

Out of place now, out of step. Othered

 

 

Do you have children?

No

We didn’t choose this.We were given this to bear.

Dealt now with an unwanted hand,

We are now the last generation of us

The very ends of our line.

 

 

Do you have children?

No

Ask me anything else in this life

Thisquestion is steeped in such torment

Find more ingenious small talk, please

Do you have children?

Do not ask me to explain this.

Do. Not. Ask.