Pauline

It started with tears and the feeling of darkness,

The ground felt unsteady and the days black,

Mustering my courage I got up and breathed in,

As I peered around me I grasped for grip,

I heard motion and turned to face it,

A small spark turned into a fire,

As it grew I made out silhouettes,

In the glimmer I could now see,

Here in this void I met myself,

All the versions of myself that longed,

Longed to be someone's mother,

Wishing for a maternal role.

 

Each side of my sadness was met,

By seeing them I honoured and loved them,

I wished them into reality,

With my fingers crossed I closed my eyes,

But when I opened them I was still in hollow,

I looked at myself and did not move,

The vast darkness surrounded me,

The fire crackled and the rest was silent,

All had been said and so we stayed,

Me and all the versions that wanted to be someone's mother,

I wanted to leave the darkness,

But the fear of loneliness held me down.

 

For I know that leaving this hollow,

Means leaving versions myself behind,

To never become actuality.