This letter was written in 2010, reflecting back on a baby lost to abortion 14 years previously. Many years before I began my (unsuccessful) quest to become a mother.

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Darling one,

There are no words

To express what you have meant to me

You were a precious gift

Unsought, undeserved and unappreciated

But precious none the less

The most precious gift of all

The gift of life

 

Thank you for being in my life

For sharing that time with me

For teaching me so much

About life and loss and love

About myself and my journey

 

I feel like I knew you

In the most intimate way possible

You lived inside of me

I carried you

Those were 12 special weeks

Though I didn’t know it at the time

 

I’m so so sorry our story ended so sadly

I’m sorry I couldn’t have offered you more

I’m sorry I was so young and scared and unprepared

And unable to rise to the occasion

I don’t know if you can forgive me

I don’t know if I can forgive myself

I don’t know how to make sense of it all

I don’t know if I ever will

 

All I know is that I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my days

And some day perhaps we will meet again

And I will hold you in my arms

And give you all the love you deserve

 

Sleep in peace my little one.

 

by Vicki