Chantal0995

I never wanted animals. I used to say, “if I have to clean up after something, pay and raise it - it better become a productive member of society.” 

Oh how the times have changed. 

I’m not really sure what brought me to the decision to get a dog. I know I felt like I needed to “settle down” People always make comments about how will I meet someone if I’m always busy,  I mean I guess that’s true but what kind of life will I lead if I’m not doing anything? Anyway, one day I decided I wanted a dog and that week - I had my sweet poochie. 

I never had a dog. I had no idea how much personality they have. How different the house feels when he’s not in it. How he just seems to know the right time to cuddle me. I have no idea who taught him to try to distract me from hurting myself. I’m not really sure what I’ll do without him. He’s so much part of my world, part of this infertility journey - so much of me.

The infertility was a trauma for me. I’ve always wanted kids, I worked with kids. After having my own kids, I wanted to foster.  All I ever wanted was to be someone’s mama. I became depressed and suicidal.  I developed a plan and started putting it in motion. I knew I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t have kids. In the early days I told some of my friends if I can’t have kids, someone better watch me. I was super social, I had people over every weekend, I had plans probably 3-5 times a week with all sorts of loved ones. If someone needed something I was there, any time any day. But when you get sick, everyone disappears. Depression is hard for our loved ones too. Even when people did reach out I was not me and then I felt guilty for not being the me they wanted. It was so isolating. 

But you know who was there. 

Through the tears. 

Through my misery and agony 

Through my outbursts.

Through the physical pain 

You know who came to me when I needed a hand or a hug or just the presence of a warm body. 

You know who loved me no matter what mood I was in 

Who was always happy to see me 

Who gave me a reason to get out of bed

You know who I didn’t have to be embarrassed in front of 

Who didn’t judge me 

Or try to offer solutions that were unattainable 

You know who I cared about more than myself, who made me get out of bed crying to walk him and feed him and cuddle and play with him because he deserved that

You know who kept me alive long enough for a therapist to get through to me. 

A dog. 

My dog saved my life. 

The importance of someone else’s pet may not be the same. Just like the importance of children is different for all parents. But the importance of this 9-pound dog for me, was incredible. It was life changing. I’m so unbelievably grateful to an animal I never thought I’d own. I’m so deeply in love with this dog for all he’s done for me, it doesn’t matter if anyone understands - what matters is that I return all the love and support to this beautiful creature.