KD

Thank you to the beloved pets that have been with me through my childless not by choice journey.

To Nanook, my big, fluffy, gorgeous boy, that I adopted from Cat Protection League. You were with me during the years when I was single, dating and feeling like I’d never meet anyone to have children with. I was in my late 30’s and staring into the abyss of permanent childlessness. You were there when I tried to conceive on my own using clinic treatment and a donor. You were there during the devastation of this not being successful. Your gentle, fluffy, loving, affectionate, purring presence got me through so much. When I picked you up and cuddled you; you felt the same size and weight as a baby. You were there when I met and married someone and we tried to conceive together; getting my hopes up again and then staring into the abyss again as try after try was unsuccessful.

I’m so sorry you died the way you did. Knocked down on the main road. We didn’t live near it but you must have been adventuring that way. It broke my heart when you died. I wish I could have been there to comfort you in your last moments. I grieved hard for you and miss you still. I have your photo in a frame in my home. You were so loved by all the family.

To Pumpkin and Jonesy, my two boy guinea pigs that shared our home when I was married. You gorgeous, hairy wee things! Such characters. I loved all the noises you made, especially your wheeking when you thought there might be some food arriving. I loved and cared for you in your short lives. I’m sorry I gave you such bad haircuts! By then chronic illness had struck me and I knew I probably wouldn’t have children. I was slowly processing and accepting it all.

To my beloved Misty, my gorgeous girl, who I adopted from Cats Protection shortly after my husband left. I was adjusting to being single and childless. A big adjustment. I was lost, devastated and heartbroken. You came into my life and we became best friends and companions. We have such a strong bond. Six years together and that bond continues to grow. I love your soft, fluffy fur, your playfulness, your loyalty, your companionship, your purring presence lying on my chest and how you come to the door to greet me when I come home. You help me feel grounded. I love you so much it scares me sometimes; that I will (probably) outlive you and have to live without you one day. I feel that it’s better that way though, as if I were to die first, you wouldn’t understand where I had gone and would be waiting and looking for me. That thought breaks my heart.

All of you cherished beings mean the world to me and have made a huge difference to my life. At times when pronatalism makes me feel ‘useless’, I remember that I have given you all loving, safe homes and cared for, loved and protected you.

How fortunate am I to have known this love. To have had these beloved pets to share my life and home with.

Thank you all. You are so precious and wonderful. Lots and lots of love. x