My dearest young friend Dani,

Sitting in my morning train which takes me through a beautiful summer landscape to work, my thoughts are flying to you. A sign to finally write this long outstanding letter.

We have been apart for a very long time and in all honesty, I had forgotten about so many things that have happened decades ago or let me rather say I did not want them to be part of my existence anymore. I guess, no - I know today -, I was wrong.

Wrong in cutting you out of my “new life”, wrong in keeping dark secrets hidden in my heart, in my brain, in my body to protect others, wrong in ignoring the slightest blink of what could bring me back to the uncomfortable and very often difficult times when I was your age.

I wanted to keep control of my emotions and by doing so I nearly killed them.The last months made me realise that this is no longer an option and little by little, with the help of mediation and self-consciences exercises I could open new and old doors without being frightened and one has led me to you.

The well-hidden photo album with your pictures is now very often in my hands. You are such a cute little girl with your dark eyes and your big smile. On one picture you are learning to ride the bicycle, I am taking mine every morning to the train station. On another one you are picking up grand-ma’s flowers from the garden, I love flowers and need to have them around the whole year through.

I always thought I would hold a little girl like you in my arm, my little baby-girl. I had already imagined how a life as a mother could be. I had made many plans, too many. It was a hard lesson to accept that none of those will ever become true.

Some advice I would like to give you: make the best of your life while living in the present moment. Let go of anything that prevents you from growing and from moving on. Never wait too long for taking necessary decisions because you fear what others may think of you.Never be afraid of staying on your own because this can be a chance to getting to know yourself better.Trust your instinct and your inner voice and fight for what is good and right for you.

Love and always respect yourself, be your own best friend.

I will hold you in my heart forever, you are so precious.

With all my love,

Daniela

Daniela Pfaltz