Hello my beautiful Marie,

You are 32 years old. I am you, but from the future. I am 47 years old now. I have some things to tell you, we need to talk. First, go get yourself a big glass of white wine and come sit with me by the fire. You're going to need it.

This is going to hit hard.....you just met the man of your life. You've made the right choice. He's gonna stay with you, this one. But your big dream, your only dream, you know.....the one of becoming a mom?......well, unfortunately it won't come true, my sweetheart....I'm so sorry to tell you this, I'm not telling you this to hurt you....I'm telling you this because I want you to know that you're bigger than that dream.

I know that you think that becoming a mother is your only role in life, your only possible identity. Well, I'm here to tell you that you are more than that. Much more. You're going to be very sad that your dream can't come true. It's going to take you a long time to get over it. In fact, you'll never really get over it. Sometimes it comes back when you least expect it, like when a mom smells her baby's head. But these moments will hurt less and less over time and at some point, it will just become a momentary pain that you can push away by thinking about something else.

You will work really hard at bettering yourself to recognize that you are much more than a potential mom.... and that life is so worth living anyways. You can make a good life for yourself without children, a fulfilling life. You're not going to change your true nature. You're going to stay the same, except instead of mothering your children, you're going to take care of others around you in all sorts of ways.

You have so much to offer, you have a big heart, you are sensitive and empathetic. You listen to others, for real. You touch people when they meet you, I know it, I feel it. ..... I know you think life isn't worth it without kids, but I'm here to tell you that it is.

You're going to experience many beautiful things in the next few years, you're going to travel, you're going to have unique opportunities that will make you grow and surpass yourself, you're going to meet new people that will make your heart grow even bigger than before (yes, it is possible!). You will also share your childless journey with others to help them go through this difficult endeavor and also to sensitize others who haven’t gone through it themselves. I know you think you are broken because of your infertility. That's one way of looking at it, but at my age, I don't see it that way anymore...a door has closed, that's all. Another door has opened for you and you went through it and you took another path. It's just another path and you are able to follow it.

I want to tell you that I am proud of you. Proud of your journey and proud of your strength. Proud of you for fixing your heart, for changing your life, for being flexible. It wasn't easy...in fact it was very very difficult. But you did it. I did it. We did it. You are a free woman now. You can do anything you want. Isn't that nice? An impromptu trip? No problem. A last minute outing? That's great! And when you feel like taking care of the little ones, your family and friends will be happy to let you look after theirs. .... I love you so much. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are capable! 

Marie-Helene

Photo by Ales Maze on Unsplash