I know that my younger self doesn't believe me. 3o year old me, knows I wanted the marriage and the baby carriage. She is not wrong. I did and maybe part of me always will wonder what could have been. However, with a physical disability and other illnesses that require 24/7 care, at 40+ and currently without a partner, I'll remain childless not by choice and single by choice. I am proudly now the 1 in 5 who will remain this way.

Here is the thing, unlike the younger me, I have no desire to marry now. After all, In the world I see women from 40 to 80 clinging onto status, money, and the fear of being alone as reasons to stay. While I don’t begrudge them their choices, it sure is not my world. I want adventures to see friends. I hope for a trip to see friends overseas as soon as next year. The CNBC community has become a second family to me. Maybe someday I’ll be able to afford moving to a bigger city. I hope that is the case. Delivery of my needs at my door would be great for easier access to public transportation. Housing will take time, but it  will be found.

It is not all doom I’m certainly not anti-romance. I've had a few and hope to have more love & travel. I want to further my education, if finances allow it. Recreational time at a bookstore, or on a beach would be a dream come true! I’ll continue to write as much as possible.

As far as aging is concerned. Having children doesn't guarantee built in support or healthcare. I've seen with my own eyes for parents and non-parents alike. I will cross when I come to it. My wishes will be known to the right people at the right time. I know many people like to plan. I’m okay with that. 

I’d just rather go with the flow. while good to be prepared... I speak to the younger me with mostly a kind voice. As the Beatles sang “let it be“ there will be an answer. “Let it be”.

Love, Me

Anonymous

Photo by Raphael Nast on Unsplash