The definition of diversity in Webster’s English Dictionary:

1: the condition of having or being composed of differing elements: or qualities:

There is more than one definition but this one spoke to me the most. Of course, I believe in diversity. We all bleed red, we all want love and are worthy, but somehow no matter how mainstream or inclusive society becomes, I will always be uniquely me.

Perhaps, instead of shunning my childless, unmarried, disabled spinster identity, I have begun to embrace it among my tribe of CNBC brothers & sisters. However, difference can be hard when your dreams never came true. Your plan B holds a whole new life for you.

A little back story: Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy by age three. Fast forward through my turbulent but obedient adolescence. In my twenties I was told due to the severity of my condition that having a child might cause me or the child further disability, or possibly kill us both. Now don’t get me wrong, not everybody with Cerebral Palsy has the same type or presentation of symptoms. Some can get pregnant just fine and go on to be wonderful parents. Some choose the child-free route. For me, back then I knew I wanted children and not because of society expectations (which is what I thought it was for an awfully long time). I just wanted to grow old with somebody and have an expression of our love. I wanted the kind of the life I had for my children and I wanted to teach them what not to be and do from all the mistakes I have made. It is the state I call ignorant bliss. My twenty something self would snatch that man right up, with two kids and a dog; adoption would be easy… Ha-ha

John Lennon once said:

Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

When I turned forty last year I had resolved to embrace my childless single woman identity. I live in a somewhat rural area and though I have had relationships and date when I can, I admire those who found somebody and have had their romantic partner for years. I can’t imagine that now. Maybe I’m stubborn but I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart in just my geographic area alone. I am very apprehensive about marriage now. I will always regret not having the child I wanted but could never have. Choices were made by circumstances beyond my control and I now have very close relationships from the CNBC community and beyond.

Going back to the definition of diversity in Webster’s dictionary. Yes, I have the same needs for love as everybody else. I take life one day at a time. Maybe, I was just made of different qualities that make me who I am; a woman with a disability who happens to be childless but not one less worthy of love. Let us celebrate our diversity, it plays a role in life, but celebrate our differences and be empowered by them not defined by them. I think I am plan D by now and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for me! The truth is I do not know but I am ready for the ride with by childless not by choice sisters and brothers by my side.

I know I will be simply fine!

Vicky Page