Every week I wait for the weekend,

Since weekdays are busy work days.

For years I keep telling myself each week, "Maybe this time".

 

I prepare nice meals,

Do the chores, spruce up the house.

I try to look nice, do something different,

Hoping to be noticed.

 

I keep calm, I remain patient,

I tease and hint and ask.

But the rejection happens over and over again.

 

If I do not reach out for a hug,

We go on for days, weeks without one.

 

I give him space, his own "me time" all the time.

But all I want is some of his time with me.

 

I resolve to not initiate to avoid rejection.

I will wait for a certain amount of hours each weekend

before I give up and get out of bed or go to sleep.

 

Questioning myself over and over again, why am I left feeling less of a woman.

 

Hysterectomy was to restore my physical health,

Surgical menopause symptoms,

I've learnt to cope with and am still learning about.

 

But feeling worthless for not being able to have kids,

for not being desired,

is the most non-physical pain.

 

All I long for is to be embraced,

to feel intimacy,

to be loved sensually,

To feel like a woman again.

 

Veronica