I am now single after my last relationship which has lasted 15 years. I'm not a young girl anymore. I left this relationship at 55 years old. Now it's been 2 years since then.

I suppose that like many people, the pandemic was a time to review our lives, our relationships and what we wanted for our future. With my ex-partner I walked a long way on my truncated path towards motherhood. Not everything, because he appeared in my life when I had already suffered 3 losses and was waiting for my international adoption to be resolved, which never came.

I must thank him that despite the fact that he was already a father, he wanted to help me achieve my wish and helped me in my egg donation process. He also accompanied me in that fourth loss. All this as an introduction to recognize that you have been an important person in my path of non-maternity, and in my recovery. However, gratitude alone is not enough to continue a relationship.

Now, two years after ending the relationship, one of the things that has surprised me the most about the separation mourning is that I have had a relapse in my mourning of not being a mother. It is that loneliness of thinking how old your children would be, that they would now be almost 20 years old.

I always say that women who do not have children are more attached to our family of origin, and in my case that has also been the case. Now that my parents are no longer alive, I have not felt a sense of belonging with my siblings. They have their own families and their problems with teenage children or with their grandchildren. I have felt disappointed by the null or little accompaniment that I have had with my separation.

Thanks to my friends, my cat and especially to the community of women without children that I have been creating over these four years, I have been able to support myself and move forward. They do give me a feeling of belonging and building community is something that is giving it meaning and gives me motivation during the grief over my separation.

A grief always revives other griefs, which is why it is so important to be able to close this stage of childlessness with kindness, self-compassion and in tribe. The work of the people who create community among women without children is so important. Surely we are the first beneficiaries of being able to find meaning in that way of giving, but a legion of people benefit as a side effect.

The stage of elderhood and growing old without children is something that surely scares many of us. But I am clear that today is the day to plant that seed because now is when I have the power and energy to take care of my future self.

And I don't know if I will have a partner again or go through the calendar alone, but I am sure that I will do everything possible to continue growing together with my role models without children who invest their time in continuing to provide support where it is needed, and in the stage of life whatever.

Thank you all for reading and Stephanie in particularfor creating this World Childless Week

Gloria Labay

Photo by Nick Seagrave on Unsplash