Meriel Whale

Up until a few years ago, most films, most books, most TV showed a childless person as emotionally damaged, as envious, as searching for something to make up for being childless, as leading a poor and lonely life. So many books and films still end with pregnancies and babies, as if that is the logical next step in everyone’s happy ending. Most of these books are written by people with children, imagining that there is only one way to be childless and it isn’t a good one. Things are changing and for the better, but those books are still out there, the storylines are still most of what we see and hear about our lives.

Yes, we will grieve, yes, we will struggle, yes, many of us have trauma in our lives, yes, we might long for what others have but we are not leading poor and lonely lives, although many of us may have days, weeks and even years when we feel as if we are. We are not what most media would have us believe, not trying to batten onto the lives of others, not permanently and dangerously damaged, not leading poor, second class, empty lives. There are childless people around the world leading lives with a mixture of challenge and joy, of good days and bad, just like everyone else. It would be wonderful if we could see ourselves reflected in this way, not as a problem, not as a burden, not as someone to be pitied or feared.

I am writing several books at the moment where all my characters are childless, and where this will only be a fraction of their stories. Their struggles, their successes will be much greater than this part of their identity, and although it is mentioned, it is a small part of who they are. My characters are as I am, they are complex, struggling, celebrating, finding out who they are, overcoming challenges, finding joys. Living. Being. Fully rounded people, multi-dimensional, both happy and sad and everything in between. 

So what can we do?

We can seek out the books and films and articles that affirm us, either directly or indirectly, as leading full and meaningful lives. We can read them, review them, blog about them, email the authors, writers, directors and actors to thank them, to offer them our praise.

And we can write them ourselves. Write something where being childless is a big part of someone’s life and we see them find ways to move towards meaning and joy again, write something where it is just a part of someone’s life, mentioned in passing, while the character just gets on with living. Write. Read. Watch and listen. See ourselves reflected in all of our glory, in all of our pain, in all of our triumph. In our complex and  meaningful lives. In our humanity. Just like everyone else.

If you’d like to see a list of book recommendations and encourage your library to stock more books that are inclusive and trigger free take a look at Books. No kids. and the Inclusive Library Project.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash