PLEASE NOTE: This submission contains language that some may find offensive.

I was at work doing a job with a co-worker (I’ll call him Darrell) from my department, another guy was there (I’ll call Rick) from a different department.

Rick was asking Darrell how his kid was. He was a couple of months old. After they talked for a minute or so Rick said to me “so, Ken How many children do you have?” I said to him “I don’t have any”. He then said ”well, some people weren't meant to have kids”.

When he said that I went crazy, I could feel that all to familiar knot in my stomach, I lost it. I got right up into his face. Only about an inch away from him and screamed at him saying “DO YOU THINK GOD FELT IT WAS OK FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO HAVE KIDS AND NOT OK FOR ME!!! F**K YOU, F**K YOU!!!” I said.

He didn’t ask “Ken, do you have any kids?” No, he assumed I did as most people do, it seems. I see him every day at work. Many days multiple times. And almost every day it’s while he’s walking past me. That churning  knot I get in my stomach every time I see him is painful. It brings back that day very vividly in my mind and I don’t know if I want to scream in anger or cry in grief for what I don’t have. I apologized to Darrell that he had to witness that.                                                                                                                    

I’ve been asked many times at work by people if I had any children. And each time it kills me to say, “no”.

Ken F

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash