I was diagnosed with premature ovarian syndrome at 26. I’m also a failed adoption statistic. I have 3 sisters and two had single daughters and one has boy / girl twins . They are now 28, 27 and the twins are 21. When they were younger I felt left out, alone and different. My sisters had a bond and I didn’t fit in. I was told a few times “You don’t know, you’re not a mom”.
I’ve worked with children through the years as a preschool teacher and helped raise my nieces and nephew (especially the twins). As I’ve gotten older so have the kids and not being surrounded by child / infant things or activities has helped me find some acceptance. I have also walked away from my career as a preschool teacher and any volunteer work I was doing and getting into a new profession has helped me. It’s not in my face every day as a reminder of what I don’t have and never will.
Being single has its disadvantages, because there is no one there to share your pain and hurt with and I think that has an impact on me moving on, having to do it solo and alone. Today at 55, I have overcome many obstacles in my childless journey; the kids getting older, leaving my career, one of my sisters passing away from an embolism (leaving my 22 year old niece at the time with no mom) and realizing my niece lost her mom, social media with all the pictures and stories and just trying to fit into a society where being a mom or dad is the norm.
I still have difficult days. I now work in retail and steer away from asking questions about a pregnant woman or asking about someone's kids. I put up infant / kid stuff as a challenge, it’s therapeutic and helps me on that path to acceptance. I still avoid the baby / child areas in other stores, some movies, commercials and of course baby showers and gender reveals, etc... Then there is the holidays and mother’s day which is always difficult. I have a coworker that recently found out she was pregnant. Could I help with baby shower? It would be another step to acceptance. Being happy for friends as they announce “I’m pregnant” or “I’m going to be a grandma”. Still struggling with that one.
I might never reach full acceptance, but I’ve come a long way through the years and should be proud of myself for overcoming the heartbreak and obstacles of childlessness not by choice. As well as finding hobbies and a career that helps and challenges me and the managers understand and walking away from the career I really wanted. Turning my focus to childless support groups and speaking out on my diagnoses, helps bring awareness and helps me be an advocate.
At least I’m a cat mom to Aerie and proud of that !
Anon