Elaine Andrus

From Grief to Grace: Finding New Dreams on the Ice

In August 2021, my husband and I received a voicemail from our fertility clinic, saying that we had a medical condition that would make conception challenging. We poured hundreds of dollars into treatment with a highly recommended specialist and experienced no improvements in the test results.

Confronting the end of our conception journey, there were hundreds of dreams and plans to let go of. A Pinterest board brimming with Winnie the Pooh nursery ideas got deleted. Strolling past the Target baby aisle made me realize that I would never have an opinion on diaper brands and apple sauce packets. I felt angry about being left out of PTO meetings, daycare drop-off and all the Mommy and me classes that I had researched.

Our local ice skating rink hosted the Mommy and Me class that I had wanted to attend the most. I had dreamed about public ice sessions with loud music and bright lights, teaching my toddler to have fun balancing and gliding. Stumbling on my local ice rink's website now, I discovered that adult ice skating classes were being offered.

During the Sunday afternoon classes, James Hernandez was sore from his constant training for the Junior World Championships. But he was always smiling as he gave instructions in his distinctive British accent and effortlessly demonstrated the exercises with grace. At the end of the lesson, he made sure to say good-bye and to encourage me to practice on my own.

With newfound inspiration, I started practicing multiple times a week outside of my lessons. The ice rink brought an escape from my phone and computer screen, allowing me to leave behind work stress and social media. Embracing the freedom of the glide, I left the rink each day with a lifted spirit and a brighter mood.

That’s when I started getting emails about how beginner kid skaters could participate in the rink's spring show. When I approached the skating director, I was prepared to look odd among eight and 10 year olds in the show. But the skating director said I had the option to skate with other adults in a Robin Hood-themed number and welcomed my participation.

During our first show practice, I struggled with lunges, bunny hops and turns, which most of the other adult skaters could do. James happened to be at the rink and gave some pointers during our weekly lesson. Our group number coach Gracie Gold also suggested how to modify the choreography to my level. She didn’t accept that I needed an easier placement in one of our formations, instead assuring me that I was up to the task.

Thanks to their help, my husband and dad watched me in the spring ice show. The lights, the sequined costumes, the sense of camaraderie and community backstage – I was completely hooked and eager to come back next year.

Instead of my time being defined by my child’s first words, steps and foods, my year was defined by a different kind of excitement and joy. It became a journey filled with my own personal skating milestones, including purchasing my first skates, hiring my coach and successfully passing my first ice dance test.

Skating is now a central part of my daily routine, and I’m at the rink at least five days a week. While I take around a month to master a new skill, my coach Yovanny Durange remains a constant source of support and consistently acknowledges my progress. Beyond his role as a coach, Yovanny continues, in his early 50’s, to train and perform locally with his ice dance partner. Seeing his athleticism and creativity reminds me that you can pursue your passions at any age.

In the vast world beyond the ice rinks, many people fail to understand the allure of ice skating, assuming it's only worth pursuing if one aims to become an Olympic competitor. I often face questions about whether I plan to compete and the reasoning behind spending so much time at the ice rink on a daily basis.

But I just brush it off, because I have new dreams now – of doing a backwards crossover, of performing an artistic showcase program, of getting my own ice dance partner– and that keeps me smiling and moving forward each day.