Another September rolling in, another World Childless Week. This time has come to be a marker for me, to see how far I have come in the year between. Each year I seem to make imperceptible but great shifts, and I wonder if it will always be this way. My focus is drifting away from the childless identity, even less concerned than before that others know my story. Maybe this is because I have been telling my emotional story through music.

In the last year I have written dozens of songs, many inspired by some facet of my experience of missing out on parenthood. The singing has done its work and I feel light, able to take on new roles. There’s a quiet settling in, a sitting down and taking time to breath. I’m looking around at all that I have and feeling even more lucky, even more alive than before. I am making strong decisions in line with my values. And I’m reaching out, looking for friends who will be collaborators in life.

Covid 19 has shown me how much I love people, how we exist because of our relationships and interactions. There’s something about believing in the plentiful nature of human goodwill in the world, trusting that groups will always find their way, that seems to be key to this moving on, feeling complete. I take a leap of faith into the lagoon because I really want to swim, see the beauty of it myself. I’m hoping to find others already there, sunning on the rocks, basking in all they have to give to the world, and all the world gives back. I might wonder what it would have been like in a different lagoon, but in an abstract way. I know from experience I only have to change myself to have a different perspective of this very same lagoon.

Please listen to my playlist ‘We are keening’ on my sound cloud page.

The music is free, I’m just laying down the songs with me and my guitar. Perhaps they will inspire you to write some too, or will build more connections in our community.

Grace