I am not an artist (clearly). One day I was doodling and drew this.  I didn't really think about what I was drawing and then looked at it to see what it meant to me. 

"Trying to find the good in shadows, keep moving on” is what I labelled it (2019). 
Today (2022) it reminds me of the shadow I so desperately felt I couldn’t escape from.

I felt like the world kept moving around me. A dark cloud covering only me as I watched from the darkness.

I kept trying to "look at the positives" like the beauty of the flower and

"Appreciate the little things" like the rain the flower needs to grow (rain I could provide by standing over it).

Even with recognizing those things, trying so hard to do as everyone “suggested”, there was always some reminder that I would never escape the empty uterus that gave me this broken heart. 

This doodle was proof of that; After doodling I took this photo to post on IG and realized that my actual shadow covered the part of the doodle that I was desperately trying to believe (appreciation & positivity/the flower) - solidifying that yes, I have this dark shadow over me that I cannot get from under.

I could have taken another photo, but it felt exactly like me, this new life of mine. No matter what I did or said, I was shadowed. So, I posted it and kept it as is.

Update:

I do feel better than I did in 2019, while I still feel shadowed from time to time – for the most part I am free of the shadow, not quite over the broken heart. But I’ll get there. And so will you.

Note to you:

Sending love and hugs to all those who are struggling to come out from under the shadow of darkness, it can be a long road, but the light will come. 

Cee0995