Penny Ellison

Childhood visions of home and family

Shattered by a body failing.

Excluded from the ‘parent’ club,

Life on the side lines, waiting.

 

Help as aunt, godmother and friend,

the tinted glass hides my screaming.

Parents confident forge ahead,

My screen’s smoke leaves eyes stinging.

 

Longing for life in my unseen space,

others don’t know where to look.

Seen as a medical statistic,

endless watching of the clock

 

Fate recognised my potential to care,

despite my stumbling in the darkness.

My helping efforts were not in vain,

whilst dreaming of my baby’s face.

 

Peering into a pandemic ravine,

shuttered away in an empty bubble.

Glaring at virtual ‘show and tell’,

faded fertility foggy and troubled.

 

Fate’s not ready for opaque and dull,

Yet not a ‘grandma’ beacon.

Therapy finally lighting the way,

‘parts’ are ready for re-invention.

 

Recognising the child within,

stardust’s light through a prism.

Mind learning new ways to believe,

Time to explore a new vision.

 

Looking into a childless future,

‘Uncertainty’ pinned to the door,

I’m stepping into my worthiness,

Shame banished, unseen no more.