Rachel A

Foreword

This piece is a reflection on the very special role of meditation classes for Childlessness not by Choice in my healing journey. I attend regular classes with Bindi Shah (WCW People’s Champion 2023) who guides us. The classes hold an incredibly special sense of community, of kindness, empathy and deep connection. Joining in meditation has played a huge part in my learning how to navigate a childless life with gentle self-kindness. Connecting with others has helped me find self-compassion and self-worth.

Illustration - a series of bookmarks which I painted in watercolour, inspired by our regular practice of grounding and ‘ball of light’, and by the sense of connection with fellow classmates each time we meditate together

I am you, and you are me… and we are worthy

For a time, my heart was drowning, dissolved in a fathomless sea of tears.

For a time, my heart was hollow, an empty shell, a shattered vessel.

I looked to myself and I felt

a yearning, a longing, for all I cannot be.

Never to be a Mum. Never to hold my child.

Loss and longing, fear and failure, self-blame and sadness. Small with shame.

A long, long tunnel. Deep introspection. Love and care. Time and tide turning. Small steps. Letting go.

Now I am emerging, transformed. Chrysalis broken open, fragile wings unfurling, newly made.

Joining in meditation, I feel deeply. Care and kindness. Deep connection. Encouragement, celebration, creativity. Sharing worth and wonder.

When I look to these wonderful women I am surrounded by

• Teachers, learners, writers, artists, poets, carers, sharers, explorers

• Nature loving souls, deeply attuned to the animal world

• Passion and creative spirit, warmth and humour, gentle kindness, generosity, resilience and bravery, vulnerability and softness

• The safety and willingness to share our truths

And when I feel too fragile, too newly made and unsure of my place in the big wide world, I look to these wonderful women and I remember, it’s like a mirror. Your shining worth reflects back, it’s light surrounds me. The kindness and deep respect I feel for you, and that you show for me, I can also give to myself.

I am you, and you are me… we are wonderful… and we are worthy.