Being childless not by choice often brings along a lot of questions around identity, meaning and worth. Who am I, what is the purpose of my life, and how can I see myself as worthy, when motherhood didn’t happen? Like many, I struggled with this too, for years.

At some point I realized I started to react to these questions and comments (from myself or others) differently. There was an ”of course I am worthy”, instead of an undermining of myself. Through all the work I had done with myself - somewhere I had internalized this.

I went from seeing myself as a dead tree in a forest full of green ones, to seeing also my life as wonderful, rich and full - able to have and bring forth many things. The quote ”A childless life is like a vase without flowers - it can be beautiful but it’s still empty” helped me realize how far I actually had come in building my meaning and worth. Earlier I might have agreed - but...

Taking this as a challenge for myself I decided that well, if not flowers then there is still a huge amount of things I can put in my vase - it is definitely not empty! (I would personally feel that I also have flowers in my life - not in the form of children but representing other things. But for the sake of this ”challenge” I stuck to anything but flowers). And so, I found a vase and filled it.

My vase has hard, heavy and rough things in it. They are things that feel challenging, but also things that ground me. And then there are light, beautiful and vibrant things. Representing life and abundance. Because my life has beauty too. There’s water, giving life, and air - ”empty” spaces, that might be the emptiness a child left - but also places to breathe and take things in.

My vase is full, rich and beautiful - just like my life is full, rich and beautiful. There is a lot I have, many things I am and can be - and all of this makes up who I am - my meaning and my worth. I am worthy - just being me. We are worthy, full of meaning and wonderful as we are.

Katja Helenelund