SC

So, I’m childless.

That doesn’t make me odd or different to you with the children. 

I’m still capable of loving, capable of feeling and capable of having a life.

I’m not going to tell everyone, that I didn’t want them, couldn’t have them or if I have lost a child.

It is my story, my heartbreak, or my sense of being that I decided on, my mind is still as sound as yours.

A child does not define you; your life and your decisions define you.

I was married, I’m now not married but you don’t have to be married to have children.

I have pets yes, I do, but those with children have pets too. And some of you do as I do, I treat my pets like children.

Yet I am still asked, “Do you not have children?”

I am told “You wouldn’t understand, you don’t have children” or how to break my heart a little bit “oh you would have made a great Mum, shame you didn’t have children”

I’m not ashamed,  I’m not angry or sad (anymore) I am fine, just as I am.  I have made my choices in life and I’m fine with that too.

I may turn down invites to go out with you and your children, I may sometimes accept.

I’m not a free babysitter, I’m not a spare aunt, I’m a person, a whole person.

If you can’t see that your careless words hurt, if you can’t put yourself in my shoes, then you don’t really know me.

I’m kind, I’m caring, I’m loving and true, I’m the best friend you can have, if I also have a friend in you.  

Maybe some of us have chosen not to have children as we didn’t have good parents ourselves.

Maybe some of us have had no choice in being childless, maybe we had parts of us ill, that had to be removed.

Maybe some of us have medical conditions we don’t wish to pass on.

Maybe being childless was a choice we made for reasons we had.

Blue car, red car, no car, you aren’t asked why you have chosen the colour of your car or not to have a car.

Yet time and time again, “do you not have children, didn’t you want them” is so easily said.

So yes, I am childless by design or by default, I know the truth.

Childless not uncaring, Childless not cold. Childless not selfish.  Childless that’s all.