Kirstie HH

We finished our final round of IVF in Spring 2015 & although none of them resulted in a pregnancy I very much feel a connection with the embryos we created and I carried, however briefly.  Eight years later & I still grieve for the lost children that they are to me though the pain is dulled & just feels like a part of me now that I hold gently with love.

One sleepless night this year as I lay remembering the various procedures and reflected upon the loss & grief this poem came to me - It is Our Story - mine & my little tiny beings. 

Fleeting images of what has gone

     and what will never be.

Though some may say you never lived,

     you lived inside of me.

The grief was strong, it pushed me far,

     it twisted and it turned.

For all of you who don't exist,

     for who I still can yearn.

Time eases loss, it eases pain.

     and yet I feel it still.

In cold dark nights, on sunny days,

     sometimes against my will.

You're part of me, the void you left,

     that empty shallow space.

You had to go, you couldn't stay,

     it just wasn't your place.

So now you float up in the stars,

     and often in my head.

You lived for me, though not a life,

    but never truly dead.

I loved you then, I love you now,

     your memory in me shines.

I hope you feel you're part of me,

     held close within these lines.