Dialogue has stopped

Rocks, untouched, sit in the garden

The pavement is a blank canvas

Grief is the only color I know to use

Ambivalence is my story

She was a difficult person to live with, still is

Years of talking about it in a closed room muddled female envy

I protected myself from the pain of another childhood

The advent of AIDS

A career woman persona to blanket a troubled past

Soothed no fears

Fertile age came and went

When I found him, we weighed our last go

The clinic shared their uncertainty

For two recovering alcoholics illustrating a new life

Infertility was a luxury

So time went by and we tried

And hoped

And failed

And quietly gave up

Then she came, a Colombian dream

Lassoed our hearts with her shiny hair and sweet smile

But they didn’t want us

We are damaged

Now we wait

And wonder

Is it over?

What’s next?

Denial is a loathsome form of regret

A cover for ambivalence

Wishes painfully unfulfilled

I waited too long

Christa C