Sometime tsunami that drowns me

rises up to choke my heart

from fathomless depths.

Sometime soft, fine mist

that shrouds my soul

and soaks me through and through.

So often unspoken.

A grief that cannot fit

the moulds and shapes

the world sets out for us.

Grieving losses, shedding tears, unseen

Beyond home’s haven (a blessing counted).

Lost dreams

Lost future path

Lost our way

Lost belief in the façade

that if you strive, work hard

take care, believe, work hard

that through determination and sheer will

you could have made those dreams come true.

Lost belief in my body

you let us down

you couldn’t bring about

the miracle, which seems to come so naturally

out there and all around.

Lost faith in choices made

naive to think more time was on our side.

Lost confidence in the meaning of our place in the world.

Lost love, lost embryos, lost pregnancy (our one chance, our baby).

Years spent grieving losses behind a mask

feeling so small out in the world.

Somehow, with time, with tears shed

(so many tears, sometime tsunami, sometime shroud)

with losses shared, released into the world to breathe

Somehow, the heart begins to heal.

Carrying a deep scar. Able to face the future.

The future comes with rich blessings to count

home, a haven

true love to share life’s journey

time and peace to nurture our health and hearts

So many blessings.

Love to cherish. Love to share. Joys to embrace.

Perhaps, adventures to unfold.

Perhaps, a moment to feel bold.

Perhaps, somehow, a sense of meaning

and of purpose on life’s journey, somehow.

But the heart knows, with absolute and final certainty

that there will never, ever be

a dream so deeply rooted, so entwined

around the heart, within the soul

as that lost love, lost chance, lost dream.

Anon.