I am childless.

Before you swipe right because you assume this is another

story of trying to conceive, failed IVF and infertility,

please stay with me a while and hear some of my story.

 

It was my first serious relationship.

First love, first lust and first sex

but I felt trapped, so I left.

 

He stalked me

He raped me

I was pregnant

WHACK.

 

A teenage girl hiding her unwanted bump.

Frightened and alone

she aborted her pregnancy a long way from home.

 

Fast forward.

A new hope of loving relationship

four weeks in, contraception sorted

I was pregnant

WHACK.

 

A career woman who doesn’t want to be a single Mum.

Shocked and confused

she aborted her pregnancy not so far from home.

 

Time moves on.

Partnered now and he is already a father with two of his own

never the right time, how do I ask?

SNIP

Time has run out.

 

Most days, I wear my childlessness

as a dress of vibrant colours caressing the contours of my womanly body

My two terminations feel like a vest

knitted from coarse yarn that I keep hidden

and it scratches my soul.

 

Thank you for lingering a while to hear my childless story.  

Anonymous