My religion says that I am meant to be a father. The Qur’an compares it to being a sun and I was brought up to believe that my dad was the centre of my world and he is.

I’m told it affects 30% of couples who are Muslim, or at least Google did cos nobody actually says said a thing about it. When I did say a few words, because I was worried, and honestly, going mad inside with it, my dad said that Allah will save me and bless me with a child.

It hasn’t worked in three years. I pray all the time for a miracle.

My wife and I went to the doctor, we had a few tests and I know it’s my problem. She’s great actually, but it’s hard being strong for her. That’s what I am meant to be, strong and supportive but it’s hard when it’s me that’s the problem. I keep saying she should find someone else.

The Qur’an also says that husbands and wives are garments for each other so I cling to that and so does my wife. But there’s a lot of crap out there. People saying it’s because we can’t handle a child, that we’ve past sins that can’t be forgiven, we have a different path in life or it’s Allah’s way of making sure we focus attention on religion not children. Either way, it doesn’t help much.

Each day I feel like I’m walking a different direction, going about life in circles. I don’t really know the solution but I hope that saying these words helps me and helps others who are struggling because of their religion. They aren’t alone.

This was published on Walk In Our Shoes and kindly published here with permission of Berenice Smith and the writer, Zohir.