Love you little one

I am sorry that we were never able to meet in person….and because I was never able to get pregnant, we were never able to meet at all. But we met in my heart and my mind.

You would have a lot of dark hair and dark eyes (like me), you’d have olive skin color (like your dad) and you’d have my cheeks.

You and Brody (chocolate lab) would have been best friends and you’d try to ride him around the house. You both would smell disgusting when you came inside and I would complain about it and secretly love it….because it meant you two were on adventures and making memories. (Of course, Brody would be named something else because Brody Craig was going to be your name if you were a boy.)

We had picked out several names for girls….but never decided….I think because I assumed you’d be a boy. I know that if you were a girl that you’d be dressed adorably all the time. In the fall, you’d wear a denim dress with tights and boots….in the spring you’d wear cute little sandals and ask me why you couldn’t wear tennis shoes. Yes, girly sometimes and tom boy sometimes.

I wish you, Tanner and Kiley would have had a chance to meet. I would have loved to watch Travis as an uncle…he would have been awesome. I would loved to have watched your Maw Maw interact with you and take your side in every possible scenario. I imagine having the conversation “No…you cannot fish all day long, every day.” “Yes, I know that Maw Maw said you could.”

Your brother and sister would have protected you like crazy people. I can imagine that once they started driving that we would never see the three of you….that you’d be together a lot and they would have folded you into their lives. You would have been a lot younger than them, but they would have included you in a lot. You and Brandt would have been buddies…and he’d show you all the ways to scare the heck out of me (i.e. rubber mice in the cabinets) and how to get yourself out of trouble by hugging me and telling me you love me. And….I pity the person who ever hurt you….because Erica would have been there to knock them out…just like she did with Brandt. She would have been your go-to person for advice as you got older.

I imagine you and your dad working on cars and motorcycles in the garage…and always having a project “in process”. You’d always want to wear a shirt like your daddy so you could match him….LSU, motorcycle, etc….it didn’t matter. Sometimes you’d team up against me and cheer “Boys! Boys! Boys!”…and sometimes you’d both walk in carrying flowers and telling me you loved me. Both would be awesome.

Sometimes, I think about what it would have been like to hold you for the first time. I think about how many hours I would have been able to sing you to sleep. I think about every song you and I would have sung in the car…and all of the conversations we would have had as you grew up.

Your personality would reflect some of your dad and me….but I think you would have been your own little dude from the very beginning.  You’d have his logic…his math skills (thank goodness) and his calm demeanor….you’d have my joy and ability to see the good in all things.

Your dad and I are “over” the negativity in the world and would have tried to show you the positive side of life. Yes, terrible things happen….but we try to live in the side where light exists. If we would have been able to have you, the light would have shined forever.

Love you little one. Mommy.

Sandy Langhart Michelet