As you have all felt this, I was alone for many years with my hopelessness. Then a few years ago, I came across a road to understanding, hope and healing where I found Stephanie Phillips with World Childless Week, and Jody Day with Gateway Women (now Lighthouse Women).

In life, I looked to songs that I could relate to. Frustrated that next to nothing is written about childlessness, I decided to write my own. Songs about enduring the loss of hopes and dreams of having a family, and finding hope and healing without children. Inspired by Jody Day’s book LTLU, I bought a guitar and started writing in August ‘20.

My hope is that you can relate to some of these songs, that you’ll feel less alone, that they will help you find possible peace and healing, give us words so families and friends can understand our stories, and to help the listeners to get a glimpse of our pain and our world. Several of the songs are faith based because part of my healing came from my God. So, think of your own higher power if that helps.

If you decide to listen to any of them, thank you for giving them a chance. I never use the “m” word. I imagine listening to them in a quiet bath with a good speaker, a glass of wine, the lights turned down and a candle lit for our lost children. They make me cry and smile. I hope they move you too.

If you decide you like any, please share them with our tribe, with your family, with friends to hopefully break the silence so we can be heard. I want to thank Stephanie for allowing me to put these here for WCW. And I thank Jody for always being our guiding light.

My LH Chuck passed away suddenly during the writing of these songs. Losing him this early in my life was not part of my plan, so it earned him the right be part of my “Plan B”.

Here is “Jaicie Claire - Plan B” in the order in which they should be played. 

Diane Barbara

You Were There – Tired of people trying to fix me with their suggestions, and the despair of failed adoption and IVF, I never thought I would heal. But two people listened, Chuck and my sister Sue. They let me lean on them. Then I met you, and now this song has grown to include you too; my people

Path of Peace – I prayed that God would bless me with a child. He didn’t. He led me down a different path instead where I found a greater meaning in this life.

The Answer – Why didn’t God answer my prayers? Here’s what He said and what I was going to do about it.

Perfect Pictures – Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of the “happy ending”. I desperately wanted that perfect picture. I was barely holding on when I pleaded to God. Could He hear me?

Jaicie Claire – She was never conceived. But she is still my daughter. Only our tribe knows what I mean. Society just doesn’t understand that we lost a whole life, not just a child.

Someone – After Chuck passed, the grief was so heavy. I couldn’t do it alone. But I didn’t know if I could let someone new into my heart.

Serenity – Embracing acceptance of no children and losing Chuck, I found my self-worth with the wisdom I gained, and I found my purpose. Inspired by the 9th Promise from AA.

Through Him – I finally found the secret to joy and contentment.