A personal reflection written from the Christian experience.

Nothing causes more trepidation than a condition for which prayer does not bring the required solution. Comments about religion and religious people are always polarising, so I begin this piece stating that the following is a commentary on my personal experience and reflections garnered over 3 decades of searching for a place to belong within a faith community. My search began thus :

We have been diagnosed with infertility

We will uphold you in prayer

You’re not pregnant yet ? Sister, you must have more faith

Sister hold hope, Sarah / Elizabeth / Hannah all bore children late in life

Maybe it’s not God’s will

Sister, is there unconfessed sin in your life?

Let us pray and cast out the demon of infertility

I see a vision of you holding a baby, it will happen, claim it Sister

If you had the faith of a mustard seed, you would fall pregnant

Sister, your lack of faith is holding you back. God can’t work a miracle in your life if you have no faith

These are all words I heard from leaders, members of the congregation, bible study friends, and even strangers. People I actively sought out for comfort after each failed IVF cycle.  I received no comfort at all.  Instead, I was met with judgement about my lack of faith, sin, and even the “demon of infertility”.  I must say the comment I laughed at the most was “God can’t work a miracle”….so you are telling me the all-powerful God CAN’T work a miracle because I in my human frailty and despair can’t summon up enough faith? Seriously?

I went from being an active member of the church to not attending anymore simply because comments such as those above are soul destroying when one is already feeling vulnerable riding the roller coaster of IVF. 

What almost 3 decades of reflection and questioning have led me to the conclude is that of all the inane and insane remarks I have heard, those touching on religion are the most inappropriate. 

What my reflections revealed are – I do not know the mind of God and I am quite sure neither do the majority of mortals. He / she does not email, text, or phone me, and he /she has certainly not friended me on Facebook. What I have always believed is that the community of believers are supposed to be a reflection of God’s love on earth. But ill-informed, judgemental, and downright cruel comments such as those above are not loving, comforting, or uplifting.

I have heard it said that the Bible is God’s email to me.  But the Bible was written by men a long time after the events happened. It speaks of miracle babies, marked special, all of whom were born for a specific reason.  We can’t all be mothers to prophets. As far as I am aware, there is no mention of an ordinary case of infertility being resolved. As for the question of faith or the lack thereof – did Sarah not laugh at the angel? With bitterness, scepticism and doubt, as interpreted by some scholars.  Sounds like a lack / questioning of faith to me.

My faith is not for you to judge, it is a private matter between whatever god I chose to believe in and my heart and soul.

People revealing visions, can cause unnecessary distress. If you believe you have that gift, hold the person in your heart, do not reveal your vision. Because if it was nothing more than wishful thinking on your part, you have destroyed someone’s hope and caused unnecessary pain, when it does not materialise.

Please do not mention sin, it is not your place to question or pass judgment. That is a personal matter between God and me. History tells of many so-called sinners who have procreated abundantly. And, as for demons……well …….hahaha

CS Lewis wrote in Reflections on the Psalms “If the Divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst.”

To all religious people out there – my message is simple - please do not be bad people. 

Live and communicate your truth and values which go far beyond doctrine.  Reach out to us in the infertile community from a soul filled with compassion, love, and unwavering support.  For although you may not realise it, our view of God is very much formed by how you behave towards us.

So, when you are trying to be God’s secretary remember what you say and do is as crucial as if you are truly putting me through on the Godline.

Anne Altamore

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay